Forgiveness

I saw this video today as I was reading our ward Relief Society blog. I felt humbled after watching this video. I was amazed at the love of the Brother in this video. I can't imaging what any of the people in this video have gone through. But it made me think that we all have things we need to forgive. Now most of us aren't dealing with trials on the same level as these people are, but we have our own trials and our own monsters and our own grudges and pain we need to let go. If this person can forgive the person who killed his family, can't we forgive those who have offended against us? If our Savior can forgive those people who abandoned him and turned against him and killed him, can't we forgive? I am so far from perfect. I have grudges that I hold. I have offenses I need to forgive. And I have offenses that I should humbly ask forgiveness for. So why don't I do that? Why do I hold them and keep them and let them turn into bad feelings? I am hurting myself by that as much as I am anyone else. So I should stop. And I understand as well as you do that it's much easier said that done, but so what?! If it was easy it wouldn't be called a trial. I am making a personal goal and commitment right now to humbly pray for the ability to forgive those who have hurt me and to ask forgiveness from those I may have hurt. I am far from perfect, but this is one thing that I can start working on today. Because isn't it better to be filled with the love of our Savior Jesus Christ than it is to be filled with bitterness, anger, guilt and pain?

Maybe too much information?!

I hope this post isn't too much information.

I have been thinking alot about life lately, and I truly believe that I'm "ready" to move to the next chapter of my life. I know, I know, that sounds stupid. And when I was 21 I honestly believed that I was ready to move to the next chapter. But now I look back and I'm so grateful that I wasn't as ready as I thought I was. I am so grateful for the lessons I've learned and the trials I've weathered and made it through in the years since I was 21. Tomorrow I will be 28. When I was younger (yes, I realize that 28 is still young) I had so many plans. I thought I knew where I would be and what I would be doing when I was 28. But again, I'm grateful that all those things didn't come true the way I had planned.

I truly believe I'm ready to move to the next chapter of my life. I always thought that was a stupid thing to say. What's wrong with the chapter I am in now? Absolutely nothing. I guess I want more added to this chapter. It's good how it is, but I believe it can be so much better. I want to do new and different things in life. I want to now what's it like to be in love. As a young girl I thought I knew what true love was. I think all girls think they know what true love is. We all watched Cinderella and Beauty And The Beast. I also know what reality is. I honestly believe in true love. I just think it's different than I grew up knowing it was. I want to know what it's like to be so in love with a person that you would live and die for them, and to know they love you back even more. I'm a hopeless romantic too. I want to find a man who takes care of me. I want someone who likes to do nice things for me, but who will let me do nice things for him too. I want to find a guy who will ask my dad for my hand in marriage. I want someone who will love me enough to marry me in the temple for eternity. I want someone who wants me forever.

I want to be a mother. I want a family. Do I think I'll have the perfect family? Nope. I don't think any family is perfect. But I do believe that I can have the perfect family for me. I want kids. I want a husband who wants to be a father and embraces that role. I want a husband who will bring the priesthood into my home and who will bless our children and help raise them righteously in the church.

And I don't think that's too much to ask. I truly believe I can have all of that. I'm not saying it has to happen right now. I'm a realistic girl. I realize that Heavenly Father has his own time line for my life. But I honestly believe from the bottom of my heart that He wants me to have these things that will make me happy, and that when it's the right time it will all happen for me.

So what do I do in the meantime? I wait. I keep living my life every day and doing the best I can do. I keep living as righteously as I can. I keep trying to be better everyday. I keep putting myself out there. And I keep finding happiness in the day to day things that He gives me. Because everything He gives me is truly a gift that I should be grateful for. So I wait, and I wait patiently because I know Heavenly Father knows better than I do. And I hope, because I believe that hopes and dreams make life worth living for.

Was that too much information? Maybe. And if it was I apologize, but I'm not sorry for feeling the way I feel. :)

My super cute family

So I have the super cutest family ever! The other day grandpa and grandma were babysitting Cameron and Courtney all day. Whenever grandpa and grandma babysit all day, they get worn out...kind of easily. They're old taking care of young, energetic kids, and they all get tired by the end of the day.

The day that they were babysitting all day I was working all day. And it just happened that I got off work pretty late that day, so I called home to tell grandpa that I would be home later than normal. (He worries if I'm home too late since I have quite a commute, so I always try to keep him updated if things change.) While I was on the phone he told me Courtney wanted to talk to me. So she got on the phone and I talked to her. She is too cute. She wanted to tell me all about how momma is camping and daddy is with sister, and sister is at soccer. And then she had to tell me when you go to soccer you make goals and you have to kick alot. Then she told me that brother is at gymnastics (which she can't really pronounce so it sounds SO cute) and how when you go to gym you have to tumble. She is 2, but she can go on and on and on! Then she said that Cam needed to talk to me. If Courtney talks alot for 2, Cameron would blow you away with how much he can talk at 6. He had to tell me all about how he is playing chess (he calls it chest) with grandpa and how he's winning. He had to tell me he had "one, two, free, four, five, six...." pieces left and grandpa only had "one, two, free, four..." and how he was winning because he had his king, queen, bishop, horse....and grandpa only had a king, queen, knight and bishop. Finally (seriously after about 8 minutes) they put grandpa back on the phone. I said I would be home and hung up.

End of story.

Not!

About 5 minutes later they called back because grandpa said Cam had to tell me about chess again. And of course, if you talk to Cam on the phone you have to talk to Courtney. And then again I am on the phone for about 10 minutes.

All this time talking on the phone while driving on the freeway.

So finally I told grandpa to stop calling me (in a nice way of course) and that I would hurry home. I finally got home and the second I walked in the door I was greeted with Cam and Court running at me yelling "Kayla! Kayla!" and wanting to hug and be held. It makes you feel so loved and so welcomed! The relief society presidency was over bringing a birthday present for me since my birthday is later this week. And Courtney wanted to hold my hand while I talked to them and be held. She had so many stories to tell me and Cam had some super awesome legos to show me. I just felt like they were so happy to have me there. And I love that my super cute cousins love me that much, because I love them that much! I have always said this, but my family is amazing and my cousins are some of my very best friends in the world. I love that we're close and that we all have each other as friends, no matter what age we are at!

Here are a couple of super cute pictures I have of Courtney on my phone. I thought I'd put them on here so you can all see how cute she is!

Justice

Justice:
1. The quality of being just; righteousness, equitableness, or moral rightness; to uphold the justice of a cause
2. Rightfulness or lawfulness, as of a claim or title; justness of ground or reason; to complain with justice
3. The moral principle determining just conduct

I am a firm believer in the justice system. Throughout the whole world, I believe we have the most fair system of judgement. I also know it has flaws. It has so many flaws, and those flaws often times make a person wonder just how fair the system is.

I think I have a greater appreciation for the justice system, because I've studied it. I have seen the justice system work and be fair. I have seen people finally get peace and closure because the system allows that for a victim. But I have seen the other side of that. I have seen innocent people be blamed and guilty people go free. I have seen people with no voice be ignored and people with money get false justice. It's not a perfect system. But it's better than nothing. It's better than what other countries offer. I think there needs to be moderation in all things, and that applies to the justice system. I think there needs to be equal parts fighting for the victim and giving a fair chance to the guilty.

You may be wondering why I am committing a whole post on my blog to the justice system. Well, there is a reason. I feel lately that there have been alot of flaws in the system that have been in the media. I'm sure alot of you have heard of the Casey Anthony trial and the not-guilty verdict she just got in the murder case of her 3 year old daughter Caylee. Do I think that was a fair verdict? No. I don't think that she is innocent. I think she caused her daughters death. That poor 3 year old died, and now there is nobody "guilty" of her death. Where is the justice for this tiny child who had no choice in what happened to her and no voice? That is a question that alot of people are asking since her trial. So how is the justice system fair? I still believe that it is. No matter how hard it is to swallow the reality of a situation like this, I still think that we are better off with the system we have than with no system or a different system. It's just so sad to me how there are victims out there who don't themselves have justice.

There are also cases where the victim gets their justice. And those are the cases we have to remember and cling to when reality seems so bleak. Just tonight I am watching a special television show about Jacyee Dugard who was kidnapped when she was 11 and held captive for 18 years, giving birth to 2 children during that time and being sexually abused and raped repeatedly for all those years. When she was finally found and returned to her family, those guilty of kidnapping her were arrested and sent to trial. The man who kidnapped her was found guilty and sentenced to something like 431 years in prison. He will die in his jail cell, and he deserves for that to happen. His wife who was also involved was sentenced to something like 61 years in prison, so she will die in her cell as well. And that is justice. This amazingly strong woman who endured so much and raised 2 children in the most unthinkable situation now has justice. She is strong and amazing. And that would not have happened if our justice system wasn't what it is today. Does it have flaws? Absolutely. Is it worth it for those times when justice prevails? That depends on the individual, but I think it absolutely is worth it.

I guess I would suggest that you don't give up hope on things that sometimes seem hopeless, like the justice system. Because the bottom line is it works. It's not perfect. But it's better than anything else it could be. And that is what matters.

PG Fire Breakfast

Last month we went to the Pleasant Grove Fire Department breakfast. I was babysitting Kathy that day, so she went along with us. We had such a good time! I met my mom there and also met Lori, Meriam and Henry. My dad wasn't able to go because he had to work at the hospital that day, so we went and "represented" for him. We had a great time as always! Good food, food people, and just a fun time. (For those of you who don't remember, a few years ago when my dad found out he was sick the fire department donated some of the money they got at the breakfast to my parents to help with medical bills. So we have a special connection to the breakfast now and always support it to thank them in a way for supporting our family when we needed it.)

After the breakfast we went out and were looking at the fire trucks and ambulances. Kathy knows all about fire trucks. Mike (my uncle) works for the fire department as well, so she can tell you all about ambulances and the noises they make and the lights. She is so cute. So we decided we would take some pictures of her on the fire trucks and ambulances to send her mom and Mike.

(Funny side note...she LOVES her purses! She will carry a purse everywhere and she loads it up with all kinds of things. She loves to put her money in it and anything else small enough to fit. And she will hike it up on her shoulder and wiggle her hips as she holds it and walks around. She is definitely a girly-girl!)

Duck Friends

My puppy LOVES ducks! My parents live in some condos, and they have a little stream that runs through the complex and at the end of the stream is a pond. And there are ducks that live in the pond. The ducks are amazing! They are very trusting. They will walk right up to people and animals. They have no reservations about being friendly. And Maycee loves them! She loves her walks in general. All you have to do is mention a walk or get her leash and she is ready to go. But when you take her on a walk to see the ducks she gets so excited! I loved watching her paly with the ducks. She gets so excited. It's a random friendship, but it's the cutest thing ever! And it's so funny to see how happy she is about it.

Maycee now and then...

I was looking at the pictures on my phone, and I found the cutest pictures of Maycee when she was just a tiny puppy. She was so small and so cute! I started to feel nostalgic and I started missing that puppy. And then I kept looking at the pictures and found some pictures of her now. Yes, she is 30 pounds heavier and about 5 times as big as she used to be, but she is still as cute and fun as ever. She is a little out of control sometimes, but it is worth it. So here are pictures of now and then.

dead fish and killer frogs

Once upon a time Meriam, Henry and I went to a fair. And at the fair we thought it would be amazingly fun if we got pets. But of course we only wanted little pets. So what better to get than frogs, right?! Of course. Frogs are a great idea! But then we decided it would be fun if we got pet fish to keep the pet frogs company. Yes, that sounds like an amazing idea, I know, but it turned out to be such a bad idea. We bought the frogs, the fish, food for both of them, and a little aquariam for them to live in. We even asked the frog lady if they could live with fish, and she assured us that it would be fine if they all lived together. Lies! We brought our new pets home and decided to take some pictures of them that night. What an inspired idea. Who knew that by morning they would not be the same as they were when we went to bed. Poor, poor fish! Before bed we named the fish and frogs. The frogs are Achmed and Sno-Cone (yes, they ARE) and the frogs were Banana and Kermit (that's right, WERE). When we went to bed our new pets were swimming around and playing like friends. When we woke up we found Kermit the fish dead. We thought maybe it was a fluke. Maybe he had too much stimulation at the fair and just died. So we flushed him (grandpa's idea) and moved on. Well later that same day Meriam and Henry were watching the other 3 "play" when all of the sudden they watched Achmed and Sno-Cone gang up on Banana and kill him! They attacked him and next thing they knew he was floating to the top totally dead. That's right my friends, apparently we bought killer frogs. The poor fish never even had a chance. I blame the frog selling lady who told us the frogs would be friends with fish. That was a lie if I ever heard one. Meriam and I worried that maybe we turned the frog into a terrorist by naming him Achmed, but I think they were killers long before that time. Poor dead fish. And now we're stuck with 2 killer frogs. Creepers!
Achmed and Sno-Cone before they met the fish.

Another shot of the killers.

Here they are "meeting" their new fish friends.

Stupid frogs. Our fish were so cute and friendly and happy. They didn't even know they were going to die.

RIP Banana and Kermit. If only we had known! :(

Cute Prom Couple

Meriam and her boyfriend went to Prom this year, and they looked so amazing all dressed up! Meriam and Lori got such an amazing deal on her dress, but it was sleevless. Instead of getting a jacket to go over it, Lori thought she could fix it and add some straps. So Lori took a layer of the skirt (there were several layers) and made them into straps. And I think it turned out amazing! So I thought I would put some cute pictures up here of my favorite cousin in her beautiful dress! :)

Sleep when the baby sleeps! :)

You know how when a woman is pregnant and about to have a baby the most popular advice seems to be "sleep when the baby sleeps"? Well I don't have a baby, but I so believe that saying is true! I babysit Kathy every Sunday, and I am so very happy that she takes a nap! Sometimes it's only about an hour, sometimes it's longer. Sometimes she doesn't sleep but just lays on the bed next to me quietly and chills during nap time. And I LOVE IT! I love my sleep, and I usually get up pretty early to go pick up Kathy. So I have come to love our little naps. Whoever invented sleeping when your baby sleeps is a genius...and also a woman! :P

I also thought I'd add a few pictures of the kiddo. She is getting so big! Well, she is getting older, but she is still not big by any means. She is 2 now and she is so much fun! :)

Don't take life for granted.

Imagine there is a bank account that credits your account each morning with $86,400. It carries over no balance from day to day.
Every evening the bank deletes whatever part of the balance you failed to use during the day. What would you do? Draw out every cent, of course?
Each of us has such a bank. It's name is TIME.
Every morning, it credits you with 86,400 seconds.
Every night it writes off as lost, whatever of this you have failed to invest to a good purpose.
It carries over no balance. It allows no over draft. Each day it opens a new account for you. Each night it burns the remains of the day.
If you fail to use the day's deposits, the loss is yours. There is no drawing against "tomorrow."
You must live in the present on today's deposits. Invest it so as to get from it the utmost in health, happiness and success!
The clock is running!! Make the most of today.

To realise the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student who failed a grade.

To realise the value of ONE MONTH, ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.

To realise the value of ONE WEEK, ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realise the value of ONE HOUR, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.

To realise the value of ONE MINUTE, ask a person who just missed a train.

To realise the value of ONE SECOND, ask someone who just avoided an accident.

To realise the value of ONE MILLISECOND, ask the person who won a silver medal at the Olympics.

Treasure every moment that you have! And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time with. And remember time waits for no one.

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why its called the present.

There are 5 things you cannot recover in life:
#1 The stone...after it's thrown
#2 The word...after it's spoken
#3 The occasion...after it's missed
#4 The time...after it's gone
#5 A person...after they die

So hug the people that you love, serve people in need of help, encourage those with failing hope, kiss scraped knees and injured elbows, be an example to people everywhere, and love those that mean the most to you. Life happens day by day, and you don't want to miss a single one.

I used to...do alot of things I don't do now!

*I used to love the rain...
And then I started working outside right when Utah rainy season started. Are you wondering why you've never heard of Utah rainy season?! It's because it didn't exist until now...at least not that I remember. I swear that I can't remember a time when there was more rain. And yes, I'm aware that it probably only seemed that wet because I was living in it, but it's my blog so I can call it whatever I want to, right!?

*I used to think meeting the Prophet was a once in a lifetime opportunity...
And then I started working my new shift at work. The first time the Prophet came in I was so excited to see him! I mean, he's the Prophet, we were all excited to see him. I shook his hand that first day and talked to him and I thought that nothing could top that. And then the next week he came in again. And he talked to us again. He makes jokes and plays around. He takes the time to talk to you and listen to you. And every single time he's come in (and it's been alot) I have the chance to talk to him, shake his hand, talk to his security, and just enjoy being in his company and presence for the time he's there. It's incredible! Just being around him makes you happy. You can feel his spirit and see his love for everyone. He is an amazing person, and meeting him has strengthened my testimony even more. I never thought I'd have the chance to meet him once, and now talking to him is becoming a regular-basis thing. It's such a blessing that I don't take for granted.

*I used to not know a toyota from a honda...
And then I started supervising the valet drivers at work. And I help them out occasionally (since they have been short-staffed since the day valet started) and since I usually don't have alot of security-related things to do...at least not constantly. And now I'm a pro! Yes, that's right, I've dubbed myself a pro. Again, it's my blog so I can call it whatever I want! :P You show me a symbol from a car, and I can tell you the make. Now I'm not a pro on the model, but we don't need to know the model. It doesn't matter if it's an escort or explorer, it only matters that there is a ford in a certain parking stall. I don't know if that knowledge will ever come back to be useful to me, but right now it's helping pretty good.

*I used to think it would be awesome to work outside all day every day...
And then I started actually doing it. It doesn't matter if it's 30 degrees, snowing, raining, blowing sheets of ice, scorching hot, so windy you can't see anything through the dirt in the air, or a perfectly serene day...I've worked in it. And I've only been there since April. I swear this is the weirdest weather year ever, but again my opinion may be biased because I'm actually living it. Half the time I hate it, and the other half I'm undecided. There was one day when it was 70 and sunny, no wind or rain, and it was perfect. That was ONE day. I won't speak about the others. :)

*I used to only get sick once in awhile...
And then I started working in the weather, and now I feel like I catch a cold every other week. I've had flu, strep, laryngitis, sinus infection, and about 10 colds in the time I've been working there...so since April. I can't complain too much, because before my outside working position I had an inside working position in an urgent care clinic, and I caught every bug that came through the door with a sick kid. So it's hit and miss which is better and which is worse.

*I used to love driving anywhere...
And then I started to commute. I hate driving. I have at least an hour commute each direction every day. That is a minimum 2 hour commute every day, and it gets old after about 1 week. And if I leave even 5 minutes late, it adds at least 15 minutes to my commute. I have it down to an art now, but I still don't like it.

*I used to hate working all by myself...
And then I started supervising the valet drivers, and now sometimes I beg for time alone! They always ask why I take my lunch so late after all of them have eaten, and I tell them it's because I need alone time...personal time so I don't go crazy! :) They really are an amazing group of guys (and one girl) and I love having them around, but sometimes I can't help but remember the quiet days of sitting in a clinic all by myself waiting for the security stuff to happen.

*I used to never have been in an accident...
And then I started driving 50 miles to work and 50 miles home from work. When you drive at least 100 miles every day, you're likely to get in an accident. I went from none in my life to 2 since January. One of them was totally my fault (the one in the parking garage where I hit a parked car) and the other wasn't my fault but was my fault (a lady swerved in front of me and I swerved to miss her and hit a guy and then the lady drove off and so I was "at fault" since I hit the guy.) I don't miss the accident-free days. I also don't miss the days of not having to write accident reports. I would say we have at least (at least) one accident a week in the parking lot at work that requires a report. Oh, report writing. It's not all it's cracked up to be, and that saying alot since it's not cracked up to be that much at all! Haha :P

*I used to not be a morning person...
And I wouldn't say I love the mornings now, but I'm used to them. I'm up around 5:30 every morning because I have to leave my house by 6:00. It used to be that if I even got up to go potty at 5:30 I was a monster! The only way I could be coherent and normal in the morning was if I stayed awake all night. But this whole going to bed and then waking up to function for the whole day at 5:30 every morning took awhile to get used to. But now I feel like I'm used to it. And sometimes I enjoy my mornings...not too much traffic to drive a person crazy, milk or apple juice in my car on the drive, and an hour of music to get me ready for my crazy day. I think I might actually be good at this morning thing. I know, I'm surprised too! :)

*I used to go to bed after 11 pm every night...
And now I am asleep by 10 or I am mad! I seriously used to not go to sleep most nights until after midnight, but at least not until 11. If I was in bed and asleep before 11 I was sick. It just didn't happen. And now I am in bed between 9 and 9:30 and always asleep by 10. On those occasional days when I'm not asleep before 10, I am so mad about it. I know I need to be asleep by 10 to wake up at 5 and be functional. And I'm ok with it now. I struggled with it ALOT but it's finally my routine. I can't say I love it...I am in bed (and usually asleep) before my elderly grandparents are even in bed. It makes me feel old. But it is so necessary too!

I love my job. I have almost been there for a year now (July 19th) and it has been awesome. And I feel like I've learned and grown, both as a person and as an employee. My life may not be perfect, but it's good and I have a routine. All I know is that I'm busy and I love it.

*I used to not remember which Apostle was which...