Just some random silliness

My roommates may kill me for putting these pictures up, but I need something happy and silly to balance out all of my serious posts lately. So I put an embarrassing one of me too! Enjoy!
We were really bored one night and got a LITTLE silly!

Jessie and Meriam dressed up like super heroes one night...and this is what they came up with. Cute, huh?

And now a very serious super hero pose...or not so much... :P

And Megan using the mop as her microphone. She was singing to me as she cleaned. It was so funny!

My dads surgery

My dad had his surgery a few days ago. My mom and I took him up to the Huntsman Cancer Center in SLC for the procedure. This part they were able to do without cutting him...they went down his throat. They took out the cancer spot across from the pancreas and did a biopsy of the pancreas. We are now waiting (yet again) for the biopsy and pathology reports to come back sometime in the next week or so. Hopefully (but no guarantees) that they can tell us how advanced or what stage the cancer is. Also they can hopefully tell us how involved the pancreas is. So we're in the waiting period again. Do any of you ever feel like since my dad got cancer my posts consist of "We had a test, and now we're waiting. We got him admitted in the hospital, and now we're waiting. We got him home from the hospital, and now we're waiting.) I hate the waiting part. I'm not patient, but I'm learning through this! :D

My dad is doing ok. He has his good days and bad days. Today was a bad day. Alot of nausea and some pain. He was lightheaded and pale. Just having a rough day. But he's doing good and trying to be strong and we'll be ok. Thank you to all of you who came to the fire breakfast to support our family and my dad along with his fire friends. And thank you all for your thoughts, prayers and visits. We love you all and the blessings are being passed along to us, even though sometimes we may struggle. We love you all!

PG Fire Department breakfast

Today was the Pleasant Grove Fire Department breakfast. They do it every year and it's a fun time to go to breakfast that the firemen are making. We have gone every year since my dad has been on the department. This year the fire department decided to give ALL of the proceeds to my parents to help with any financial needs they may have with my dad sick and out of work and in/out of the hospital. They are amazing! There aren't adequate words enough to express my feelings of gratitude towards the amazing incredible people that my dad has been blessed to work with at the FD. I picked my dad up at his house at 9:30 and took him to the breakfast. He didn't eat, and was feeling pretty sick today, but he was happy to be there with friends for a little while. There was an amazing little dedicated area with a note saying where the money was going etc. It was so incredible. We (Jess and I) took friends and there were 19 of us total. It was a blast. And at $5 a ticket, the money will help my parents a ton!

Here are some pictures from the day. Some of my friends and family, some of the firemen with my dad, some of the fire engine and firemen cooking, and one with my whole group and Smokey the Bear. Enjoy! :D
Jamal and Jamie posing for the camera

The group with Smokey the Bear. He was a good sport!

Some of my friends along with my parents.

The fire truck. They had several fire trucks and ambulances around, and the kids could climb on the fire truck.

Marc and Carly eating breakfast.

The firemen cooking...what a great job they're doing!

Bigs, Kate and Carly eating breakfast. It was good!

My friend (and one of the greatest people ever) Katie!

The area with the note, hat etc (People could put donations in the hat and there was a LARGE amount of money donated on top of tickets, and it's all for my parents!

The donation fireman helmet...

The picture of my dad in his uniform. I LOVE him!

The note they wrote to explain the proceeds.

My dad and alot (but not all) of his fireman friends. These are some of the most amazing people I have ever known. They are so selfless and so caring. They are truly amazing people!

Something to keep us busy

Jessie and I have taken turns babysitting our friend Rosa's baby while Rosa has been at work. It just a few hours here and there but it's been fun and given us something else to do and something to keep us busy. This is baby Katherine (Katherina...something like that :P) and she is so sweet. When she was born she was 4 pounds 14 ounces. And she is still as tiny as possible. So many people have asked us if she is a doll! :D So here are some cute pictures of her. So cute, right?

Flying

On Memorial Day we took a little break from real life and went for a flight. My cousin is a pilot and has his plane, so he said he would take us. Me, Meriam, Jessie, Selea, Jamie and Ron (my cousin) went up. It was SO fun!

It has always been Jamies dream to fly a plane, and we told Ron that, so he let her. He explained everything and let her take us off. She was pushing buttons and pulling things and actually flew a plane. And she did AMAZING! She also flew us around while we were in the air. We flew over my uncles house, through clouds, around mountains, into a rainstorm and did tricks. One of the tricks was Ron would make us feel so heavy you could barely lift your hand, and then he would reverse it and make it so everything in the plane (including us if we weren't buckled in) float. It was so fun! I'm going to try to post a movie, but I struggle sometimes so we'll see if it works. And here are some pictures of our day...some outside of the plane and some while Jamie was flying. It was one of the coolest things I've ever done!

Jamie right before take-off.

The view from the plane. It was such a nice day!

Jessie and Selea just getting settled in the plane.

Our Pilot Ron and Co-Pilot Jamie. She looks so happy don't you think?

All 5 passengers right before boarding. (Jessie, Jamie, Me, Meriam and Selea)

You've got to love all the screaming in the background. Jamie had a pen on her hand, and when they did the floating thing it went flying back past Jessie who was holding the camera. It was AWESOME!

Catching up again!

I have SO much to catch up on. But don't worry, this time there are pictures! So hopefully my posts won't be too boring... :P

The first thing I wanted to post (with pics) was Jessie's first day of school. You know how moms always take pictures of you on your first day of school standing in front of a bush? Well you better believe Megan and I did that for Jessie! (Don't worry, my first day of school pics are coming up soon.) I LOVE these pictures. Jessie looks so cute in them and was super stoked about starting school.

Memorial Day

Every Memorial Day we have a family reunion in Mapleton. We camp out on my uncles land behind his house (he has a TON of land and a grove of trees etc) and we just chill for the weekend with all of the Nielsen family (or everyone who can make it). I haven't chilled much this weekend (work and getting ready for school, etc etc) but I did make it out for a few hours. This afternoon my mom loaded my dad up with his pain meds and then brought him out for a couple of hours to visit. SO many family members came and talked to him and gave him hugs. He was Mr. Popularity (which he hates) but it made me feel good to see how much people care. They also made a huge poster board card that tons of family members signed and wrote notes on. It was very nice.

It has rained alot this weekend, so my sister and cousins opted not to sleep out in Mapleton. Tonight they came to our house and before getting ready for the night I hung up some blankets to make a "fort" for them. The things I'll do... (jk...Jess, Mers and Jamie did help a little!) Tomorrow we're hoping for good weather so we can go flying. My cousin has his pilots license and has his own plane that sits 6 people. Jamie, Me, Jess, Meriam and Selea are going to go flying along with my cousin pilot Ron. I'm sure it won't be a long flight, but it will be fun. After the flight I'll be going to my parents house to spend some time (and a few nights) there helping to "take care" of my dad and helping my mom with anything she may need.

So I have been really busy this rainy Memorial Day weekend but not so much with Memorial Day activities. But I was glad to see my dad make it out to the reunion, even though he was sick, sleepy and just all around not feeling well. I never would have imagined last year at our Memorial Day family reunion that this year we would be taking care of my dad who has cancer. It's so amazing to me how quickly things change...and how quickly lives are changed. Just be grateful for the things you have. Even though life isn't easy, it could still get worse. And yet through all of these changes that have been affecting my family, my dad is still strong. He still makes jokes and wants to know how our days are and wants to hear all of our stories. He isn't giving up. He's fighting, and I'm so proud of him. Dad, you are my hero!

Yet another post...

Some of you are probably tired of my posts...especially since none include pictures...but there are several people who want to be kept updated about my dad, and this is the best way to do that. So I hope you all stick it out, and I promise that soon I will post lost of pictures! :P

My grandma had her surgery on Thursday and she started to recover quickly. Then she started having some difficulties. My grandma wears oxygen all the time (she has congestive heart failure). Apparently today my grandpa went to the hospital kind of early to visit with her, and he couldn't wake her up. She was lethargic and kind of in a coma-type state. My grandpa new immediately what was wrong. My grandma has a hard time getting rid of carbon monoxide out of her body and it builds up. She has been rushed to the hospital before for this problem. Basically it starts to outnumber the oxygen in her body and makes her very sick. This happened this morning. Her carbon monoxide was 60%. They talked to her doctor and moved her to the cardiac ICU where they can keep an eye on her and better watch her oxygen and heart. So a quick recovery was put on hold and she'll be there for a few more days.

My dad is out of the hospital. He is still pretty sick and in a good deal of pain, but they gave him some pain medications. He is taking 2 lortab 10 every 6 hours just to keep the pain to a manageable level. He isn't eating alot...some cottage cheese, scrambled eggs and toast. Our goal right now is to keep him drugged up and out of pain, healthy enough to stay out of the hospital, and then just wait until Friday and hope nothing happens. On Friday he will go up to the Huntsman Cancer Center in SLC to have surgery to remove the cancer. They are removing the part in his duodenum, they are going to look inside his pancreas to see if the cancer has spread in there, and they are going to check his small bowel where he has cancer as well. It's kind of a big surgery and more than likely will put him back in the hospital. So we're just taking it one day at a time and trying to make it through this week.

I know I've said this before but I could say it 100 times and still think I should say it more. Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers on the behalf of my family. Thank you for fasting with us. Thank you for calling/texting/emailing/visiting my parents and also me and Jess. It's so comforting to know that so many people care about you and are praying for you. So thank you!

What's going to happen now?

They took my dad off his pain pump today hoping to send him home tomorrow (Friday). However after he was off the pump for a few hours, his pain came back. They tried to get it under control with oral pain medications, but they had a little bit of a hard time. I called his nurse tonight just after midnight (when I got a break at work) and asked her how he was doing. She said that he had more pain than he wanted, but that he was doing ok. She had just given him some pain medication an hour or so before and he was finally sleeping a little. She said the plan was still to hopefully release him tomorrow, as long as things were still going well.

Also today my grandma had surgery on her arm. She broke the top of her humorous and were hoping not to do surgery but they ended up doing it after all. And once the doctor got into the surgery, he realized that her break was worse than he ever thought and that it never would have healed on its own. She will be in the hospital for a few days (we're not quite sure how many) and go through some physical therapy and rehab before going home.

We've had some tough times, but I have a tough family. I am constantly amazed at how strong my family is and how well they hold up in the face of adversity. I have so much to learn from people like my dad, my mom, my grandparents, etc. I just hope that someday I can be the kind of person they have taught me to be. I don't know everything. I don't know much. But I do know that we will get through whatever we is put in front of us.

What am I thinking about tonight?

What am I thinking about tonight? I'm thinking about lilacs. Why? I don't know.

I remember when I was little, we had a lilac bush right outside our house near our garage. I LOVED walking past our bush to my best friends house and smelling the lilacs. I would take my time putting my bike away in the backyard because the longer I lingered the more I could smell the lilacs. (It also helped that my favorite color is purple and the lilacs were purple.)

My parents made sure we went to my sisters grave on a regular basis. And I don't remember ever going up there without a huge vase of lilacs. When I smell lilacs, I think of Shelby. The 2 just go together. I loved taking the flowers up to her grave. It was a short drive, just a couple of blocks, but by the time we got there the car was filled with the scent of lilacs. It was one of my favorite things to do.

I don't know why I'm thinking about this tonight when I should be sleeping. I just have so much on my mind. I'm thinking about my family. I love my family so much. I would do anything for them. At times I have given everything for them. They've also given everything for me. I love my family and I love lilacs. They both make me happy and I need to be happy!

Final Update for now (hopefully)

So, my dad is still in the hospital, but we're hoping he gets released on Saturday. He is so excited to finally get out of the hospital for a few days. They let him eat "real food" (mashed potatoes) tonight and he was so excited to eat them and keep them down with no problems. So things are starting to look up, for now.

We are hoping to get him back up to Huntsman Cancer Center this next Wednesday for his surgery. They are going to have 2 doctors do it because they think his pancreas may be more involved with the cancer than they initially thought. He is nervous about that, but he's doing ok. We are also pretty sure that the surgery will cause pancreatitis again (what we're getting him through right now) and he'll be admitted again to the hospital. If that is the case there is a good chance it will be up at the U of U. It will make things a little more difficult (and add another $500 dollars onto their hospital bills) but he said if it's what is the best then he'll do it without complaint.

And that is the update for now. I got approved for FMLA at work so I can have time off to help take care of him when needed and also to take time off to be with my mom when he has tests and surgeries. It worked out really well that I can help them, and I'm happy to do it. Thanks again for all the thoughts and prayers. Please keep them coming and know that they are appreciated!

My life by the numbers

15 approximate # of friends I've had calling or texting daily to check up on my family
14 average # of visitors in and out of my dads hospital room each day
13 # of hours since finding out out the cancer may be affecting my dads pancreas and his illness may be worse than we thought
12 approximate # of hours per day I've spent at the hospital
11 # of times a day I text or call my mom to check up on her, my dad, and the situation
10 # of blog posts I'll probably have regarding my dad and his health before he's released from the hospital
9 # of days my dad has been a patient in the hospital
8 # of times on average I've taken random walks around the hospital for a little break
7 approximate # of hours since my dad was admitted that I've spent playing brick breaker on my phone and doing puzzle books
6 # of days at work that I've had off since since my dad was admitted to the hospital
5 average # of hours of sleep a night I've been getting the last few weeks
4 # of times I called the hospital yesterday to ask for my dads room (I should just learn the # to the room...)
3 # of ice creams I've eaten this week to make myself feel better ;P
2 # of weeks I have left until school starts
1 # of hugs I feel like I need right now
0 # of hours I've spent physically getting ready for school *sigh*

Foiled plans

Our plans have been foiled. We have to wait for my dads surgery. The doctor won't do it until he gets out of the hospital. And the cancer may be affecting his pancreas. We won't know until his surgery. I'll post more tomorrow.

Rough Day

So my dad had a rough day today. He had started to feel better, but went a little back downhill today. He is still on his clear liquid diet, but struggled with it today. Everytime he would drink something he would get sick to his stomach. Then this afternoon he took a sip of some juice and his pain flared up quite a bit and took a long time to get back under control. He struggled today. He felt a little bad for himself (which I totally understand) and was kind of emotional. He's stressed about money (he's not working for at least a month and that's hard on the budget) and he's tired of being in the hospital and hates not feeling well. The visits do help life his spirits, so we appreciate them!

He is still on the pain meds and he is on a stronger nausea med today to see if it will help him feel a little better. I know he is in the best hands possible. I know he is a little stressed because the longer he is in the hospital, the longer his surgery is put off. We're going to see if we can work something out to have him transported to have his surgery then just brought back to the hospital. We'll see. So I'm off to the hospital again in the morning...a few hours actually. I'll spend most of the day with him (granted I can get work off again) and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for him than today. The highlight of his day today was taking a walk down to "his floor" to visit the ICU. He's been taking small walks every day, so today he took a walk to the staff elevator on the 4th floor (just around the corner from his room) and rode it down to the second floor. He then walked around the corner to the ICU desk to visit his friends (the ones he works with daily). They were all so happy to see him up and moving. Even though he is so sick, he is still trying to keep his spirits high. They all love him so much and were so excited he could come down to visit them. They are such great people!

To end this post I want to ask for some ideas. I know my parents are worried about money. Every time he gets admitted to the hospital he gets charged a substantial amount of money. (Once he's in the hospital everything is covered by insurance.) They also have their car payments and mortgage payments which my mom is trying to pay with her paycheck, but it's going to be close. And it's probably going to be a few months. So I'm thinking about maybe doing something to raise money to help my parents. I hate asking people for money, but think if it's for a good cause that it would be ok. I'm just trying to come up with some ideas of how to raise money. If anyone of you have any ideas that might help me, I would love to hear them! Also, thank you again for all your support during this trying time!

Pampered

Jessie is going to school at Bon Losee. She loves it and has learned so much already. The first night after she got home from class I told her my hand hurt and asked if she could massage it. (I was asking because she was my only roommate home.) She told me she had actually learned that in class that night and she grabbed the lotion and massaged away. It was SO nice. I told her this is going to be a good 2 years...with all of us benefitting from what she's learning! :P

Jess learns and practices stuff at school all week and then takes a "model" (whoever she wants) on Fridays to practice the stuff from the week and pass it off to the teacher. She took Meriam and Nicole for pedicures/manicures etc. This week was facials, eyebrow waxing and makeup application. She asked my mom if she would be the model and my mom agreed. So yesterday afternoon my mom left the hospital around 4pm and headed down to my apartment. I stayed at the hospital with my dad, and my mom went to school with Jess. They came back to the hospital around 9 and my mom looked beautiful! (She always looks beautiful, but she especially did last night!) She told us all about her facial. She got a back/neck massage. She had a face mask and Jessie put make up on her. She just got pampered for a few hours and then Jess took her out to dinner before they came back to the hospital. I was SO happy that she got a break. She has been so stressed lately with everything with my dad and she needed a break from her worries and from the hospital. I was so glad she got to go and just have someone focus on her and take care of her for awhile.

I am very proud of Jessie. She has been doing great in school up until now. She is going to be a pro! I would trust her to take care of my every beauty need! :P Megan and I took pictures of Jessie heading off to school the first night, and I was going to post them but my camera is dead. Maybe tomorrow! :P But Jess does a great job. She works all day then goes to school and still finds time to play with friends and be there for the family. She is such a strong person and I look up to her! She helps me be strong. She is one of my best friends! She also does great in helping me "take care" of my mom and dad, especially right now. And she helps take care of grandma while she has her broken arm. Jess thinks sometimes that she can't be "the glue holding things together" but she does better than she thinks! I'm glad I live with her. I'm glad we're roommates. I'm glad we're friends. I couldn't ask for a better sister!

Doing a little better

My dad is still in the hospital. We were hoping he would come home by (or on) Monday, but it looks like it might be longer than that now. He is still barely tolerating clear liquids, so today they decided to hang a bag of nutrients on his IV (TPN) which basically gives him all of the vitamins and minerals he needs in a day. They also started giving him shots in his stomach to help prevent blood clots. I guess he developed a pain in his leg today and they were worried about blood clots since he hasn't been up and moving too much.

Other than that he is doing fine. He had several visitors today. A firefighter Scott Ash and his wife stopped by. Chief Sanderson (from PGFD) stopped by with his wife. My aunt and her kids stopped by. Our good friends Daren and Shannon Leetham stopped. My dad really does love the visitors. He hates all the attention, but he likes to know people are there for him and for us and that he's being thought about. I think it helps with recovery!

I know I've said this alot lately, but we really really appreciate your thoughts and prayers, as well as your phone calls, texts, emails and visits. I know my parents have been put on the prayer roll at the temple by some friends which was great. Then today a friend in my ward said she put Jessie and I on the prayer roll as well. I thought it was very nice and so thoughtful of her. Sometimes we get so focused on the sick person (which he needs to be focused on) that we forget the family that struggles along with him. So I'm grateful for those supporting me and my family. We love you all and can't say Thank You enough!

Still in the hospital

My dad is still in the hospital. yesterday he had a hard day. He had to be transported to an imaging center up the road from the hospital for a special test. The hospital was going to call Gold Cross Ambulance to take him, but instead my mom called PG Fire Department where my dad works and the Chief said he would have them take him so we didn't get charged. (It's SO nice to have friends!) They were all so nice to him and us. They let us ride in the ambulance with my dad and they came back up an hour later to pick him up and take him back to the hospital. We totally owe them.

My dad got behind on his pain meds while he was having his test though, so he was in alot of pain and it pretty much took the rest of the day to get it back under control. He had a fever all day too and it finally broke last night, but all in all it was a miserable day. They did let him start eating a few ice chips last night (first thing to eat/drink since Tuesday morning) and he was so happy. He said his mouth was so dry he felt like he could spit sand! :P I left last night shortly after they got him some meds. He said he went to sleep and slept well until about 3 am when he woke up in extreme pain. He hadn't pushed his med button (he is on a pump) so he didn't get all of his meds and the rest of this morning wasn't the greatest either.

Once I got to the hospital today (around 7 am) he got some more meds and fell back to sleep. When he woke up he talked to the doctor, got his medications dose raised and started to feel really good. He decided he was getting better and decided he didn't need to push his med button anymore. He went around 4 hours with just the base dose of meds and he thought he was doing great. He then got up to get in the shower, and by time he got out, he was MISERABLE! It took all afternoon (again) to get his pain back under control. He did start to finally feel ok again tonight, as long as he stayed medicated.

The doctor also let him have small quantities of clear liquids this afternoon. He drank probably 5 sips of sprite and a few bites of orange jello, and was feeling pretty good about himself. Eating can make pancreatitis pain worse and he had a little of that this evening. But the nurses are right on top of things and got him nausea medication and benadryl (he is super itchy with all the meds he's taking) and he kept his pain meds coming and was still doing ok. I know he is just so happy to have anything to eat or drink.

He is also happy about not having to be stuck with needles over and over. They were drawing blood daily (and sometimes more than once a day) and they were having such a hard time getting blood. So his friend Dr. Lee who works with him as the ICU doctor called up his regular doctor and got permission to give him a central line. A central line is an IV that goes in your neck into a main blood vessel leading right to your heart. You can give meds, draw blood etc through it. The doctor turned his hospital room into a mini operating room (kinda) and it was really cool. They covered my dad and the whole room practically in blue sterile drapes. They did the whole procedure right there in his bed. They cut his neck, put in the line, stitched him up and everything. The room seemed full with my dad and his bed, all of the tables of equipment, the respiratory tech, the doctor, a nurse and me. But my mom doesn't handle medical things well so I told her I would stay in the room so he wasn't alone. Basically his feet were the only things not covered with blue sterile drapes, so I stood at the foot of his bed and patted his foot talking to him. He is much happier now though to not have so many needles stuck in him.

This has been a crazy week! I've been at the hospital from about 0630 or 0700 am until 1000 or 1100 pm. I stay with my dad while he is working and I stay with my mom once she gets there so she's not alone. (Like I said, she doesn't handle medical things well, and I do.) I feel emotionally and physically exhausted, but I'm happy to help and I want to be with him! I do appreciate all of the phone calls, texts, thoughts, prayers and visits! My parents appreciate them too. My dad feels bad because he sometimes falls asleep while people are there visiting, but he really appreciates all of his friends taking the time to stop and let him know they care. I think it helps him get better faster, or at least keep his spirits up!

The doctor said he thinks his pancreatitis this time was caused by the cancer they found. He will be in the hospital at least until Monday. The on call doctor this weekend (his doctor has the weekend off) is Dr. Lee the ICU doctor who he works with on a regular basis. My dad is very excited to have a doctor still who he trusts. We're just going to try to make it through this weekend, and get him better, and hopefully take him home next week. And after we get him home we'll call back up to the Huntsman Cancer Center and reschedule his surgery. He is a little bummed about the setback, but he's glad he got sick down here so he can be in "his" hospital. He loves his nurses and knows he's getting the best treatment possible.

So I hope this post wasn't an overload of information, and I apologize if there wasn't alot of flow to how I shared things. It's been a long day, and a long week. So long in fact that I'm going to bed. I will try to post again tomorrow with an update and appreciate all that you, my friends, have done for my family. Especially my work friends who have covered my shifts for me so I can be with my parents in the hospital, where I need to be.

We so didn't follow the plans

So we had big plans for today. My dad was scheduled for surgery at the Huntsman Cancer Center. I was supposed to meet at their house this morning and go with my parents up to the U of U for surgery. But that isn't what happened. I got a text message this morning telling me I needed to go to Timp ER. I threw on some clothes and sped (don't judge) up to the hospital. My dad woke up this morning and was in extreme pain which got worse and worse until he couldn't take it any more. My mom rushed him to the ER (he wouldn't let her call 911 even though they should have) and got him checked in around 1000 am. They gave him quite a bit of morphine (about 4 adult doses) with no change in his pain. The then started giving him dilaudid which after 2 or 3 doses finally started to help. They took blood, did an EKG, did Xrays and did a CT Scan. Results? PANCREATITIS! I feel so bad for him. I have had pancreatitis several times and it is awful. They finally somewhat got control of his pain, and they sent him upstairs.

After being admitted to the hospital, his pain started coming back. It was hard for them to keep it under control. Finally the doctor came in and we were able to talk to him about my dads pain. They decided it was in his best interest to be on a pain medication pump...it can give him small doses every 10 minutes as needed and then automatically gives his regular dose every hour on the hour. It finally started to help with the pain, but still not much. He is very sick and has several days ahead in the hospital according to his doctor.

They don't know what caused the pancreatitis today. They think it might be the cancer polyp that is very close to the pancreas that is inflamed. They think it might be stressed related. Nobody knows for sure. What we do know is that right now he is ok. He got a blessing today from my grandpa Nielsen and from a nurse in the ER. He had several visitors, which we appreciate. His Assistant Fire Chief, a firefighting buddy, my roommates, cousins, my aunt, TONS of hospital friends (he works at the same place he is now a patient at), my grandpa,etc. You are all so kind to care about him and come see him. He probably won't remember some of you visiting, but my mom and I do!

So what's next? We're for sure keeping him in the hospital until the pancreatitis is solved. He also had a surgery consult with the general surgeon down in this valley about doing biopsies on his polyps in his small bowel and talk about the possibility of surgery. We have to reschedule his surgery at the Huntsman Cancer Center. He is sick, but he will be ok. If any of you want to visit him, he is in room #405 at Timpanogos Hospital. We would love your visit. We also love and appreciate your thoughts and prayers. We so didn't follow plans today, but hopefully we are able to get him some help to get these problems under control and then we can continue on with treatment. If you have any questions or need anything regarding my parents, feel free to call me at #801-722-9492. Thanks!

I can't sleep!

I should be sleeping right now, but instead I am lying awake in bed and have been for about 3 hours. We have a big day today and I guess I'm more nervous and scared for my dad than I thought.

My dad is a pillar of strength. He is always the strong, thoughtful, calm one. He is the one who's there as glue when everyone else is falling apart. I guess it's just hard for me to see him go through something so difficult. I hate to see him cry. I've seen him look and feel indestructable and also look and feel so vulnerable. I wish I could take away his pains and his worries, but I can't.

All I can do is love him and support him and try to be the glue for my mom while she worries about him. I know this...we will all come out of this stronger! My parents are strong and faithful. I know that God's will will be done and we will eb closer to Him through this trial. I'm just grateful for His love which I've felt. And I'm grateful for the prayers He has answered and the blessings he has poured down upon our family at this time.

Nerves

So I think our nerves are getting the best of us...especially my parents. We found out my dad has several more polyps in his intestine that we first were told. Anytime we're facing surgery it's a scary thing, but especially when it's cancer that the surgery is on. I think my mom is holding up ok. She just needs support. She doesn't want to be alone at the hospital to deal with things alone, which I understand. I am lucky enough to be able to go to the hospital with my parents tomorrow and be there with them.

I want to remind everyone that I am not posting this for sympathy or pity. My mom told me it was ok for me post these updates so that those of you who know and love my dad can be kept up to date. We just ask for your continued prayers. Your fasting and praying has been so appreciated. I will try to keep you all updated, and I will post as soon as I can tomorrow about the surgery situation.

Picnic in Payson

Another post with no pictures. I keep forgetting my camera everywhere I go. But I don't want to NOT post because I don't have pictures. I just promise that a post with pictures is coming up soon...

Tonight we had ward FHE. I usually miss FHE because of work, but I went into work a few hours late tonight so I could go to FHE. Each semester we are split into FHE groups and we do FHE with our group every Monday. But 1 Monday a month we go down to Payson (where our whole Bishopric is from) and have FHE at their homes. It is always so fun. Tonight we went to Payson and had a ward BBQ--get to know eachother--get to know the bishopric--get to know our FHE groups get together.

The BBQ was picnic-style. We all brought blankets and laid them out and sat on them eating dinner. Dinner was fabulous, made up of BBQ'ed chicken, green salads, fruit salads, zuchinni bread, fresh fruit etc. We also had a pretty good turnout of about 80 people. We sat on our blankets eating and chatting for about an hour.

We then split into our FHE groups. Because it's summer and we have fewer people in our ward, we only have 3 groups. We found out what group we were in, and then they split us up to play a get to know you game. I have an AMAZING group! We really do have a good ward overall, but our group is great. There were definately more guys than girls (which is always a bonus =P) and some of our really good guy friends are in our group. We also have some cool guys who I met last week in our group, along with some really great girls apartments too. We had so much fun playing our game (even though the game itself was kind of lame) and I really did get to know a few things about people.

We played our group games for about 30-45 minutes, and then we had dessert. It was FABULOUS! We walked across the street from where we were at Bro. Larsens house to the Bishops house (nice that they live right next to eachother) and had dessert in his backyard. The Bishops family had made dutch oven desserts (mostly assorted cobblers) and of course vanilla ice cream to go on top. We ate dessert and sat around a camp fire (the Bishop has a really cool fire pit area in his backyard) and played catch with a tennis ball (kind of random) and just had a good time. I met alot of new people in our ward and I am very much looking forward to this summer, even though I won't be able to make it to too many activities once the academy starts. I love having a good ward though, and being surrounded by some great people in our apartment complex. I have some amazing friends that have come from our ward and I love it!

Another post for my mom

(Don't mind that the picture is a few years old... ;D It's cute and I love it!)

A coworker sent this to me and it also reminded me of my mom. I just had to share it. Thank you to all of you mothers out there. To my mom, to my grandma, to my friends parents who love me like a child, to leaders and older friends who have taken my burdens on themselves and love me like I'm one of their own children. So many people can be mothers, and I have been touched by them all. Thank you!

Before you were a Mom,
you never tripped over toys
or forgot words to a lullaby.
You didn't worry whether or not
your plants were poisonous.
You never thought about immunizations.

Before you were a Mom,
you had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
You had complete control of your
mind and your thoughts.
You slept all night.

Before you were a Mom,
you never held down a screaming child
so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
You never looked into teary eyes and cried.
You never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
You never sat up late hours at night
watching a baby sleep.

Before you were a Mom,
you never held a sleeping baby
just because you didn't want to put her down.
You never felt your heart break into a million pieces
when you couldn't stop the hurt.
You never knew that something so small
could affect your life so much.
You never knew that you could love someone so much.
You never knew you would love being a Mom.

Before you were a Mom,
you didn't know the feeling of
having your heart outside your body...
You didn't know how special it could feel
to feed a hungry baby.
You didn't know that bond
between a mother and her child.
You didn't know that something so small
could make you feel so important and happy.

Before you were a Mom,
you had never gotten up
in the middle of the night every 10 minutes
to make sure all was okay.
You had never known the warmth, the joy, the love,
the heartache, the wonderment or the
satisfaction of being a Mom.
You didn't know you were capable of feeling so much,

before you were a Mom ...

(I know it's mothers day, but I love this picture. And I love my dad for helping my mom be the best person she can be. I couldn't have asked for better parents and only hope that I live to be the kind of person they can respect. The kind of person they have taught me how to be.)

Happy Mothers Day!

My MOM

It is late...(well early) and I should be sleeping, but I'm not. I have too much on my mind to sleep. So instead I am trying to keep myself busy. And I decided that I need to say something about my mom.

My mom is my hero. She is the best example to me of what a daughter of God should be. Whenever I think of the kind of woman I want to become, the type of woman that my mom is comes to mind. And my grandma is the same way. I never knew my moms mother...she died when my mom was 14. But my grandma Nielsen is an amazing woman just like my mom. They are amazing examples of strength. They are women of faith. They are pillars of righteousness in my life and I love them both for that.

I hope that today, Mothers Day, they know that I love them. They know that I am here for them. They know that I would do anything for them. Especially at this time of family struggles while we're trying to get through my dads illness, my mom and grandma have been amazing. Their example strengthens my testimony. I love them so much!

To end this post I want to leave a thought about mothers that was sent to me from a coworker. It reminds me of my mom, and I want to dedicate it to her, here on my blog for everyone to see. I love you mom!

This is for the mothers who have sat up all night
with sick toddlers in their arms,
wiping up barf laced with Oscar Mayer
wieners and cherry Kool-Aid saying,
'It's okay honey, Mommy's here.'

Who have sat in rocking chairs for hours
on end soothing crying babies who can't be comforted.
This is for all the mothers who show up at
work with spit-up in their hair and milk stains
on their blouses and diapers in their purse.

For all the mothers who run carpools and
make cookies and sew Halloween costumes.
And all the mothers who DON'T.

This is for the mothers who gave birth to
babies they'll never see. And the mothers
who took those babies and gave them homes.
This is for the mothers whose priceless art
collections are hanging on their refrigerator doors.

And for all the mothers who froze their buns
on metal bleachers at football or soccer games
instead of watching from the warmth of their cars.
And that when their kids asked, 'Did you see me, Mom?'
they could say, 'Of course,
I wouldn'thave missed it for the world,' and mean it.

This is for all the mothers who yell at their kids
in the grocery store and swat them in despair
when they stomp their feet and scream for ice cream before dinner.
And for all the mothers who count to ten instead,
but realize how child abuse happens.

This is for all the mothers who sat down with
their children and explained all about making
babies. And for all the (grand)mothers who wanted to,
but just couldn't find the words.

This is for all the mothers who go
hungry, so their children can eat.
For all the mothers who read 'Goodnight,Moon'
twice a night for a year. And then
read it again, 'Just one more time.'

This is for all the mothers who taught
their children to tie their shoelaces before
they started school. And for all the mothers
who opted for Velcro instead.

This is for all the mothers who teach their sons
to cook and their daughters to sink a jump shot.

This is for every mother whose head turns
automatically when a little voice calls 'Mom?'
in a crowd, even though they know their
own off spring are at home -- or even away
at college -- or have their own families.

This is for all the mothers who sent their kids
to school with stomach aches, assuring them
they'd be just FINE once they got there, only
to get calls from the school nurse an hour later
asking them to please pick them up. Right away.

This is for mothers whose children have gone
astray, who can't find the words to reach them.
For all the mothers who bite their lips until they
bleed when their 14 year olds dye their hair green.

For all the mothers of the victims of
recent school shootings, and the mothers
of those who did the shooting.
For the mothers of the survivors,
and the mothers who sat in front of their
TVs in horror, hugging their child who just
came home from school, safely.

This is for all the mothers who taught their
children to be peaceful, and now pray
they come home safely from a war.

What makes a good mother anyway?
Is it patience? Compassion? Broad hips?
The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and
sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time?

Or is it in her heart?
Is it the ache she feels when she
watches her son or daughter disappear
down the street, walking to school alone
for the very first time?

The jolt that takes her from sleep to
dread, from bed to crib at 2 A.M. to put
her hand on the back of a sleeping baby?
The panic, years later, that comes againat 2 A.M.
when she just wants to hear their key in the door
and know they are safe again in her home?

Or the need to flee from wherever she is
and hug her child when she hears news
of a fire, a car accident, a child dying?

The emotions of motherhood are
universal and so our thoughts are for
young mothers stumbling through diaper
changes and sleep deprivation...And for
mature mothers learning to let go.

For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers.
Single mothers and married mothers.
Mothers with money, mothers without.

This is for you all. This is for my mom!

Preparation

School starts 1 month from today. Exciting, right? Well, it would be if I were more prepared. Sure I've bought my uniforms...but that's about it! No kidding. I haven't done anything else to prepare for school. I have been so busy with other things and other worries that I haven't even given much thought to school. But I need to start preparing. I need to start running! Academy is going to kick my butt if I don't start working out now!

Problem? Yes. I'm working right now...and the next several days. And I need sleep too. *ugh* I am sure if I try I can find some time to work out. It's not an option anymore...it's a necessity! Wish me luck!

Surgery

My dad has a confirmed surgery time for this coming Wednesday, May 13, at the University of Utah. They will take out all of the polyps and also do biopsies of the new spots they found. I will be spending the day with my mom at the hospital so she isn't alone. She has been so strong through all of this, but she needs the support and I'm just lucky enough to not have to work and to be able to be there for her.

The original spot they found is close to an artery, so it's being taken out at the U of U by a specialist. I feel really good about the doctor. My dads gastro doctor had alot of good things to say about this surgeon, and even though we haven't met him, I feel good about him. I think the surgery is planned as a same day surgery, so we're just hoping and praying that things go smoothly and quickly and we can move on to the next part. Thanks for all of your prayers!

Abandoned

Do you ever feel like you're abandoned? I've felt that way for the last few days. I know I'm not really alone, but I've felt like I've needed more contact from friends the last few days than I've actually gotten. Sometimes I wish my phone would ring or I would get a text message or email, something to let me know that someone is thinking of me. Sometimes I wish I could tell my friends "I need you to talk to me right now!" without sounding like a brat. I know that everyone has things going on in their lives right now. I know I should be there more for my friends...that I should be there for them the way I want them there for me. I just want to know that if I need something I have people to turn to, no matter the time or what I need. I decided though that regardless of how I feel people are there for me, I'm going to try to be there for them. Hope it works!

An update

I have had several people call, email, text etc asking me about my dad and how he's doing. My family and especially my parents appreciate your love and concern. They appreciate the thoughts and prayers on their behalf. They appreciate the love that you are all extending towards us.

I promised you all that I would try to keep you updated, so I'm going to do my best. My dad had some tests done earlier this week. His colon looked good but they told us today they found some microscopic polyps during the camera test. We won't know if they're cancerous until surgery. They are trying to fit him into the surgery schedule next week. I've found out there is alot of waiting, wondering and worrying in situations like these. They also have to take the confirmed cancerous polyp out surgically as well. It sits near an artery so they have a specialist in Salt Lake that is going to do the surgery. We still don't know much as far as how advanced it is etc, but we're hoping to find that out through surgery as well.

We really do appreciate your thoughts and prayers. We can definitely use them. We also appreciate your thoughts and kind words. I've struggled this last week and at several times I have been so upset and angry at what is going on. But I know my dad is strong. I know he will fight. And I know he will not suffer alone. There are so many people who love him and want to help him. Thank you all for that!

I am more than willing to answer any questions you have and also to pass messages on to my parents if you would like. Please feel free to call or text me anytime (801-722-9492) or to leave me a blog comment or email (fire_princess4@hotmail.com). I just appreciate your support.

When it rains it pours!

So my last post was about my dad being sick. We are trying to be strong. We are trying to stick together and make it through this tough time. I feel like it has been forever since my parents walked into my house and told us my dad was sick, and yet in reality it hasn't even been a week. A few days after we found out about my dad, he had a test at the hospital. My mom and I went with him (I was support for my mom) and it seemed to go ok. As we were leaving the hospital my grandparents pulled up, and there is a story behind it.

My aunts grandpa and uncle passed away last week and on Friday (the "infamous day") my grandma was watching my cousins (9 yoa, 8 yoa and 3 yoa) while their parents were at the funeral. Well I guess my grandma was walking somewhere and went to step over a soccer ball, but actually stepped on it and fell. The 2 older kids ran next door to my aunts house and got my brother and cousin and told them grandma had fallen. They went to her house and got her up off the floor, but they could tell that she was hurt so they called my grandpa. He came home from work and took her to the hospital. Ok, now we're all caught up.

My grandparents went into the ER while my mom and I dropped my dad off at home to rest and then ran to Midvale to get my uniforms for school (that will be it's own post)! By time we got back the doctors had found out that my grandma had broken the top of her humerous bone and she was admitted in the hospital where she remained until today. My sister went and picked up the kids from Russ and Abe who were watching them because Russ had school and Abe and Meriam were sick and throwing up. So we ended up watching the kids for a few hours and then took them home.

So this weekend I feel like every day there was a reason to go to the hospital to visit someone, and at times several people. Jessie and I felt like our family was falling apart and we were the glue. And I didn't think either of us were strong enough to be the glue since we were still living a kind of numb existance, but we did pretty good. A friend of mine made a comment about how I've never been the healthiest one in my family. It is so true and so not a good thing. I felt so bad that everyone was sick! But my dad had his second big test today and we should have the results by Thursday and my grandma got released from the hospital today and is finally at home. *sigh* When it rains around here...it POURS!

(Sorry about the rambling-ness of this post. I'm tired but trying to keep a little caught up on blogging. I have several more posts to come in the next few days, and hopefully some of them will include pictures!)

I am not alone...WE are not alone!

I need to post about something serious. I don't know that this is the best place for me to say this, but it's the one place where I know people will look and get information. I am still definitely in the grieving process and I'm hoping that "talking" (typing) it out will help with that. Also I know my parents have been overwhelmed with people calling and asking questions so I asked my mom if it would be ok for me to post here some details for all of you who read this and she thought it was fine.

I hope this post makes sense and isn't a bunch of rambling throughts. I've had alot on my mind the past few days and I'm a little overwhelmed. We found out yesterday that my dad, one of my best friends and one of the best people I've ever met, has cancer. I am heartbroken.. I feel like I'm numb and like I'm moving blindly through a state of living just getting through the day. I feel like I cant breath, and like at any second the rest of my life may come crashing down around me.

We found out a little over 24 hours ago and I've gone through so many emotions. I've cried, I've heard, I've been mad, I've felt sorry for myself and my family, I've been heartbroken, I've felt real and deep sorrow. My sister and I are handling the situation in different ways. Everyone grieves in their own ways. Jess and I live together and I've noticed how differently we've grieved. She just wants to be alone and think. Thinking for me brings up too many emotions. I'm trying to keep myself busy and keep my mind occupied, but it's not working. I'm moving through life without enthusiasm. I moving through life numb, not feeling anything other than sorrow.

I have said so many prayers in the last few days. I've prayed and read scriptures and tried to fill myself with as much spiritual help as possible. My parents both got blessings from my Grandpa yesterday right after they found out. I've been leaning on my friends who are so close to the spirit. I've had a prayer in my heart and mind ever since finding out. And yet I still feel alone. I know that God's plan will happen regardless of what I do, but I'm praying none-the-less.

This is a test of our faith. I hate hearing people say "it will be ok" or "I know how you feel". So many people don't know how I feel and nobdoy knows that it will be ok. Only God knows. I know I need to rely upon him. It's hard, but I feel so much more alone when I don't have the spirit. I know I'm not alone. My family is not alone. My daddy is not alone. God has us all in his arms right now and he won't leave us alone and he won't let go until we're ready to try walking on our own again.

We're having a fast on Sunday for my dad, for his doctors, for the tests he's going through etc. I know that fasting works. We may not get exactly what we want, but it's God's will and I'll do it. I have been reminded so many times in the last 2 days how grateful I am for eternal families. I know that if God chooses to take my daddy away from me, that I will see him again someday. I know if my dad leaves this life too early that he'll be waiting with his precious daughter Shelby for the rest of the family to join them.

I have faith that my dad will pull through. He's one of the bravest and toughest people that I know. He loves life, he loves my mom, he loves me and he loves all of my family. He won't give up without a fight, and he will fight until he can't fight anymore. Cancer sucks and he is going to kick it's butt and kick it hard! (That is what he told us yesterday shortly after telling us about his diagnosis.)

I have written this post for one reason. I don't want pity. I don't want to be told it will be ok. I want your help. I'm asking anyone and everyone who reads this blog and loves my dad as much as we do, to join me and my family in fasting and praying this Sunday, May 3rd, if you feel inclined to do so. We can use all of the spiritual help and encouragement as we can get. My dad is a good man. He is a loyal and humble man. He is a fighter. He is my hero! I know that Heavenly Father is with my family, especially my daddy, at this difficult time. Prayers are answered and I know that God is watching over us as we struggle with this mountain that has been put before us.

My answer...

I posted last week about answering any questions you may have. (click here for that post) Only 1 person has come up with a question so far, so here is the answer. (It's also as a comment on that post.)

*QUESTION*
Hey Kayla-I just checked out your "about me" blog. Here's my question...What is up with your health? Are you o.k.? I totally wish I knew an amazing guy I could set you up with...Tim knew one from work that he set my sis.Ashley up with but he ended up not being so amazing...Sorry I'm not much help in that department. For what its worth, I think you're great!

*ANSWER*
As far as my health goes, I'm doing ok. I had my gallbladder out shortly after graduating high school (so about 8 years ago). After having it out I got really sick and kept having the same gallbladder-type problems. It took them about 3 years (most of which I spent in pain and in and out of the hospital) to figure out what it was and how they were going to fix it. They realized that the opening to my pancreas closes causing pancreatitis, jaundice, severe pain and other symptoms. They did a very serious pancreas surgery (I spent about 2 straight months in the hospital) and thought I was healed...and I was for about 1 1/2-2 years.

Then I started getting the exact same symptoms again and they didn't know why. So I am in pain alot and I see several doctors and have tried several (trust me) medications. There is a chance (according to my family doctor) that this will just be a cycle of getting super sick, having surgery to fix it, feeling ok for awhile, and then getting sick again. I've learned how to deal with it, but I'm still sick.

As far as finding a guy, I'm not too worried about that right now. A little I am because I'm going to be 26 soon, but overall I'm not. I have a good career at the PD, I'm working fulltime, and I'm starting school soon. That is alot on my plate. Who knows...maybe I'll find a guy at the academy?!? :P